Complete and utter possession

Photo by Swarnim Saini

Dear Daddy,

I want to be owned entirely, wholly, thoroughly—my whole self in the palm of your hand, to do with as you desire.

Complete and utter possession—yes. I want to belong to you and you to me.

I want an intense relationship that will nourish us both, not burn through us and make ashes out of our selves. I want a slow burn, white heat, a fire to keep us warm for days and days and days.

I want a mentor, a teacher. I want a partner to play and laugh and cry with. I want a lover and a best friend. I want a Dom, a Daddy, a Master.

I want to always feel safe. I want to seek refuge in your arms, I want to always run to you when I need. When everything is falling apart, I want to know that I can count on you to be there even if you don’t have all the answers. I want to be able to tell you about my day, whether mundane or good or bad or ugly.

I want to memorise the timbre of your voice and acclimatise myself to it so that every time you speak, I will long to be with you immediately and I will quiver. I want to always turn my head when I hear you call my name. I want you to be my home.

I want you to recognise my strength as a woman, my intelligence and independence, my faults and failings. I want you to appreciate that I belong to myself, too.

A wild animal is a wild animal. If I let myself be tamed by you, it is not to be made docile but to understand and learn discipline according to your rules—because I know you will take care of me always.

I want to be your animal, a savage creature also capable of tenderness, and you will be my person.

I want you to acknowledge that writing will always be my first love. That language is my universe, and words hold important weight.

I want you to continue to push and encourage me to do my best, to call me out when I’m being too hard or too cruel to my heart and spirit, to teach me how to be kind. I want you to hold me when I am falling into the abyss towards a terrible sadness that has no name.

I will always be needy and insatiable. I will often be wet just thinking about you, my panties soaked throughout the day. I am a wanton for you, thinking of your body, your mouth, your tongue, your fingers, your cock.

I want to lick every inch of you. I want all of you inside me, I want you to fill all of my holes—one at a time or all at once. I want to open my pussy and my ass to you, I want to look at you with my mouth open. I want your spit in my mouth, your sweat on my skin, your cum on me everywhere.

I want you to cum inside me then plug me so I’ll carry you with me when I’m out on an errand. I want you to cum in my panties and make me wear it all day. I want to secretly put my wet panties in your pocket for you to discover at work.

I want to be tied down and blindfolded. I want you to play with my body until I am moaning and screaming your name in pleasure and agony. I want you biting on my nipples. I want your hand around my throat. I want to ride your face and fill your mouth with my juices.

I want you hard and leaking just thinking about how I taste. I want you to drink me and eat me up. I want you to hold my head and fuck my mouth with abandon. I want to swallow your cum and lick your balls.

I want your whole fist inside me.

I want you to breed me, to double penetrate me, to fuck me in front of a mirror, to push me down on your lap and spank my ass until I’m crying and all I can think about is the pain and you and your hand.

I want you to eat my ass. I want you to make me squirt. I want you to make me cum in public. I want you to want me so bad you’ll tear off my clothes as soon as you see me. I want you to talk dirty to me all the time.

I want to be trained to cum at your command. I want to see your nostrils flare when I’m nearby and you know that I’m very wet for you.

I want you to be in control of me always, and when I resist and arrive at a stumbling block or a challenge, I want you to sit with me and talk with me and discuss what’s troubling me.

I want marks all over my body that will declare to everyone else that I’m yours. I want to bear the pain you’ll give me and I want you to love me and be proud of me for it. I want to be dominated and guided.

I want good morning and goodnight messages. I want you to find my weirdness adorable. I want you to find me and this — *gestures toward my whole self* — adorable.

I want affection and cuddles. I want soft kisses and deep kisses and forehead kisses and sloppy kisses. I want to suck your tongue and you to suck mine. I want to be woken up for sex, I want to cum so hard I fall asleep immediately after in your arms. I want you to pull my hair while fucking and comb my hair when you feel like it.

I want to take a shower with you. I want you to give me a bath. I want to lay in bed and talk to you for hours. I want to hear you moan and say my name over and over.

When we’re out I want you possessive and protective. I want you to cover me with your scent. I want you to make me swoon and tease me and make me smile and laugh.

I want to take care of you as you would take care of me. I want to touch the parts of you no one else has touched. I want you to own the pieces of myself that even I have yet to discover. 

I want you to be my anchor, my fixed point. I want you to train me to follow the sound of your voice, so that when I wander into the deep dark and get lost in my own mind, you only have to call me and I’ll find my way back.

I want to surrender myself to you so completely, I would be adrift without you. I want to write you long, love letters that you deserve. I want to write poems and lay them at your feet.

All this to say—I want to wear your collar. Someday. When you think I’ve earned it.

You make me feel a lot of things. And oh god, the want. So much want for you.

This is what’s happening in my head and my heart, at this moment: I am scared of how intensely I am feeling. I’m scared I’ll fuck it up, the way I fuck a lot of things up in my life.

A part of me is telling myself to take things at a pace that feels comfortable. To do what I need in order to protect my heart. But then that’s the thing—it all feels so comfortable and right, and yet I hear the familiar refrain: I’m scared I’m going to fuck it up.

Oh, Daddy, I want to entrance you. I want to bewitch you and hold you spellbound. I want you enthralled by me, fascinated with whatever I have to offer, charmed and delighted and excited to be with me.

But mostly—I want you to keep me.

T. xx

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